Why am I doing this?

5 Sep

For a number of years I have had an inbuilt defense mechanism about my weight- either I declare that I’m fat and happy, or I make jokes about my weight before anybody else can. If the truth be told, about nine or so years ago I lost six stone, and it was the time that I felt happiest with myself. I didn’t balk when I looked in a mirror, or saw a photograph; I was also able to buy clothes from any shop (except the ladies ones) and felt good about the choice I have. As someone who is overweight my choices disappeared- I am nearly 6ft 2inches in height with an inside leg of 33inches- for some reason however, clothes manufacturers think that all fat people are short- therefore some shops stop the inside leg for my waist size at 31inches. There are many shops that don’t even go to my size.

I am reminded of traipsing round Aberdeen when I was 19 looking for a pair of shoes (I am UK size 12 or US 13)- I could find two pairs in the entirety of Aberdeen- and they were both ugly- I mean objectively ugly. Things have gotten better- but sometimes taste does go out of the window when manufacturers design for the larger person- either taste, or realistic cost anyway!!

However, clothing isn’t the main reason I am losing weight- the health benefits will be massive- I have hereditary high cholesterol, and I am sure I’m not that far away from type 2 diabetes. However, the biggest reason I am losing weight is that I am not, despite my protestations, fat and happy! I have a wonderful life, with an amazing wife and lovely children, but I do not like what I see when I look in the mirror. I have low enough self esteem at the best of times, but my weight does not help. This does not mean that I go round hating myself- I don’t- I know I am a child of God, I know some of my good points, and I usually push my hang ups about my weight to the side- to teh blind spot at the back of my focus, but every now and again they rear their ugly head and I remember the halcyon days when I actually didn’t mind what I saw in the mirror. You may be fat and happy, but for me, if I’m honest, I’m not.

Back to day 3 and I got the biggest shock ever when I decided to weigh out 30g of my breakfast cereal. My usual portion is a pasta bowl- probably between 100 and 120g. This looked rather paltry in comparison- but I was actually able to stay satiated for the morning with a little help from an apple at 11am. This was a surprise- but a pleasant one- I don’t need huge portions.

Our evening meal was a chilli- this was the one we would normally eat containing: extra lean mince, onion, chilli powder, cumin, two tins of chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, kidney beans, a beef stock cube accompanied by some rice. This is not a dish that is high in fat or calories- but we controlled our portion size. We didn’t need the Hairy Bikers for this one! Especially as their meal chilli contains wine which we do not drink (or eat!). The only accomodation we made to the new lifestyle(which my wife disapproved of) was to fry the onion with the mince so that the fat from the mince would be theonly oil needed. The children were also happy (even though they have enjoyed the other meals) to have a meal that they had tried and trusted.

Not a bad day 3 on the lifestyle change front!


2 Responses to “Why am I doing this?”

  1. John teal September 6, 2012 at 5:32 am #

    I have heard tell that it is wise to invest in smaller crockery. Smaller portions don’t get lost in smaller bowls, or on smaller plates! Thus your brain doesn’t feel you are being under fed. Then buy a puppy…. All those walkies will improve your fitness 😉

  2. Alec Drane September 8, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    Love the blog. I’ve been having the same feelings about my weight. I need to lose around 90 pounds to be at a healthy weight. My plan is to set intermediate goals so that it doesn’t get too overwhelming. I’m having a weight loss challenge with the wife, mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Whoever loses the most weight by the time the in-law come to visit again gets a whole new outfit (I’m thinking a suit is in my future).

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